Recovering from a Failed Marriage

For many of us, divorce is a life-altering event. Those of us that do not wish to repeat that experience again, may opt to delve into our past, question our current choices, and think long and hard about the path we want to take in the future. For those of us that go deep, the more wounds we examine, the longer it may take before we are ready to commit to a serious relationship. Sadly, the stats show that over 70% of second marriages fail-- mainly because too many people mistakenly marry the rebound person, or don't take enough time to gain true insight into themselves or allow their wounds to heal. Wanting to avoid pain and seek pleasure is normal human nature, but in this particular case rushing into another relationship without giving yourself the opportunity to truly mourn the loss of your first marriage, may cause you a lot more pain down the road. Divorce has a devastating impact on a person's emotional and financial well being, and if there are children in the mix, it is particularly critical to shield them from volatile situations as much as possible. Recently, I came across two great books (1) The Truth About Stepfamilies and (2) Remarried with Children to help set realistic expectations about blended family situations. Merging two households later in life is not easy, but knowing what to expect and having the tools necessary to deal with issues as they arise is a wonderful step in the right direction. Thankfully, there are plenty of psychologists, family therapists, suuport groups and local parenting classes that are readily available to assist families navigate the road towards a second chance at happily ever after. I fully believe it can be done and that we can improve the current stats-- but first, you have to give yourself the time to heal. Recovery takes time, and it can vary from one person to the next-- in my case it took 7 years. Then again, I had a lot of baggage to work through, but my advice is to be patient and kind to yourself. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I've discovered it is beautifully bright beyond my wildest dreams.