Fireworks & Buckets

Some of us are originally wired to put people into one of only two buckets-- they are either in or out; you either like them or you don't. Sadly, this leaves people with a very small margin of error, and as a result first impressions count for a tremendous amount. But as it turns out, some people can talk a great game in the beginning, and others need more time to warm up and share parts of themselves with others.

In dating, I found overtime that my in-or-out mentality was perhaps overly harsh, so eventually I created 3 buckets: (1) yes; (2) no; and (3) maybe. With this latter category, I learned to suspend judgment and not expect a "wow" moment right away. Letting go of the fireworks wasn't easy, but as more than one friend pointed out to me those with fireworks in the beginning had a proven tendency to burnout quickly. Under the "wow" spell, we tend to ignore some pretty major red-flags, so perhaps when you come to this realization, you may want to implement a different approach.

As a romantic, it may be really hard to let go of the love-at-first-sight scenario, but after my marriage blew up in flames, I decided I did not want to go through that again. So as it turns out, I have come to appreciate what they mean when they say the slow and steady burn is far more durable and enjoyable. Finding love the second time around, when you are older (and hopefully a bit wiser) is totally different from when you were in your 20's. The wow now stems from a different point of view-- I am far more touched by the little acts of kindness versus grandiose gestures. To be able to trust someone these days, when we are all so surrounded by temptation, and to be able to rely on the consistency of someone's love and affection creates a far deeper wow than any of the fireworks displays out there.