Don't Underestimate the Importance of Date-Night

There are many people who refuse to buy into the whole Valentine's Day mark-up with flowers, cards, chocolates, and dinner specials that can leave a hefty hole in most wallets, and I don't blame them.  For years, I stayed home with my first husband, and we cooked a special meal together rather than dealing with the restaurant madness.  Now with this year's Valentine, we've actually picked a different night of the week to go out, and he's opted for tulips (which are my favorite) instead of roses.  The heart-shaped chocolate boxes I got this year are actually for the kids, and everyone else got one of the value-pack cards I bought on sale.  Whatever you choose to do, the point is to acknowledge your love this week, and you can do it without blowing your budget.

A far more important point that needs to be made is that having one day a year to recognize your special love is not enough.  For many, once a month isn't going to cut it either.  To keep a relationship alive and healthy, you need regular and frequent date nights.  I like weekly, but things happen that sometimes force us to go every other week.  Now, a lot of my married friends with kids will say that I am lucky because I have a built-in babysitter, aka my ex-husband.  That is true-- I am very fortunate that I don't get hit with a babysitting surcharge when I want my date night.  So maybe others need to get creative and take turns with other friends hosting playdates, or they need to beg the grandparents to step up a bit more and lend a helping hand.  Whatever you need to do, just do it.  We all need a break from the responsiblities of work and home life, and we all need to feel special.  Without date night, it's easy to feel taken for granted-- and when this happens, your marriage becomes that much more susceptible to outside threats.

When this advice was first given to me over a decade ago in my first marriage, I wish we'd taken it far more seriously.  Instead, we both got tied up with work and child-rearing responsibilities, and we let other things take precedence over our own relationship, and look at where we ended up.  Lesson learned: all work and no play makes for a very boring/unhappy marriage.  So, my advice is to talk to your partner about his/her desired frequency in date nights and find a compromise you can both live with, then do your best to stick to that.  Spice things up a bit on a regular basis with your loved one, not just on V-day.