Dating While On High Alert

I often say that dating should be fun, and when it ceases to be fun, it is probably time to bail. But, sometimes it is not that simple of an analysis, and it may be worthwhile checking in with yourself to make sure there is not some underlying issue that is undermining what could be a quite promising relationship.

As you expose more of your vulnerabilities to the other person, it is natural to feel a bit anxious. Hopefully, the more you open up, the more someone will understand you and the better they will be at avoiding certain triggers. Unfortunatley, there are those that either consciously or unconsciously find our triggers and then hit them-- one right after the other. There are people that will purposely sabotage a relationship; others may not do it intentionally, but nonetheless they act in ways that will cause the relationship to self destruct.

Some of us need peace and quiet in order to process our emotions-- it is okay to take time for yourself to think through your feelings. Feelings are funny-- sometimes they are based on good reasons, other times they may be quite irrational, and that is why you need to go through the exercise of analyzing where the feelings stem from and hopefully you can talk yourself off the cliff, but if not, you can at least articulate your concerns to the other person, and see where you go from there.

We all have a fear of being disappointed by love. The point of having a good partnership is that there is a team-mate there to help you conquer those fears. Having someone that makes you feel safe, that you can count on them, that they will not abandon you-- that is what it is all about. How do you screen for that? Look to see if they follow through on their promises. Do their words match their actions? Is their pattern of behavior staying consistent?

When people do not follow through; when their words do not match their actions; when their patterns of behavior change-- any and all of these things will cause you to feel on high-alert. You will feel like Homeland Security dealing with Al-Qaeda at your door step. Don't try to ignore these feelings-- it is your own safety mechanism kicking into high gear. You are not going crazy, rather you are sensing danger, and you are going to kick into fight or flee mode. Only you can decide which is the right course of action-- no one else can tell you which would be the best route to take, and in the end no one else will have to live with the decision other than yourself, so don't worry about what the peanut gallery might think and trust your own gut instincts.