Love is so complex, and yet at the same time it is actually quite simple. Either you love someone or you don't. While someone may be able to check all the right boxes, and on paper you might appear to make a fantastic couple, at the end of the day after many failed endeavors, I've come to the conclusion that your brain cannot override your heart.
While we may make trade-offs in many aspects of our life, it has become clear to me that for those seeking real love, trade-offs won't work. What do I mean by trade-offs? Well, let me be blunt, for those in our 20's and 30's that are interested in getting married and having kids, there are some timeline pressures that drive certain choices. If someone is smart, cute and kind enough that you can see yourself creating a family together, then you may ignore certain things that may be lacking in the package. In my own case, I disregarded the fact that my former husband was not religious, athletic or multi-cultural. While these things mattered immensely to me, at the time they seemed insignificant qualities to look for in a partner, as long as I had the three basics- smart, cute and kind. Overtime, however, I learned that I was wrong and not having certain core values in alignment was our downfall.
Over the years, as I have worked with many couples to help them through their divorces, I have seen first-hand how many of us have ignored the early signs that could have warned us things would not work out, and we are all smart people, so how did we let this happen? Because we were driven by certain life goals, and we were willing to make trade-offs. We all had our pros and cons lists, and as long as the good outweighed the bad, we plowed ahead simply hoping for the best, and sometimes not preparing for the worst.
Throughout many of the past blogs, I have written extensively about applying business techniques to our mergers with another person, and I whole-heartedly stand by the principal that despite our feelings, we need to logically think through the concept of combining forces with another human being. However, don't get so bogged down in your analysis of all the little parts that you lose sight of the big picture. Much like you would want to appreciate a painting by taking in the whole picture, you need to step back from your check lists and take in the whole experience of the relationship you are in-- and honestly, dig deep and ask yourself, does this mural move you? Do you feel like you are looking at a masterpiece that makes your heart sing?
For those of us now in our 40's that no longer have the pressures of getting married and having children, I have come to see how the opportunity for true love is finally a real possibility, if we have the patience to hold out for it. I admit, when I tried to override my own heart, I failed miserably. The parts were all there, but the whole picture was just off. I could not understand how so many of my friends that have remarried kept saying "it is sweeter the second time around." Now I get it-- when you are not trying to force a square peg through a round hole everything is just so easy, and that is exactly why it is so blissful.
In the end, I'm definitely not suggesting you throw caution to the wind-- know your "must haves" and "can't stands," but don't let those checklists fool you. When it is simply all there, you won't need to have your brain override your heart. :)
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Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Do You Have Compatible Baggage?
Let's face it, after age 35 we all have some baggage that we carry with us. Our life experiences shape who we are, and there's nothing to be ashamed of-- we've all made mistakes, and as long as we've learned from them and not allowed ourselves to just dwell in the past, then all is good. Now the key is to find someone with compatible baggage.
Think of it this way-- if you are about to embark on a journey, do you want a companion with an empty suitcase? That would just be weird-- and I also don't think you want to travel with someone whose suitcase is full of dirty laundry, that is just going to require a lot of extra and unnecessary work for both of you. Indeed, the goal is to find someone who has done his/her laundry, nicely folded his/her clothes, and is now ready for an adventure.
Backpacking through Europe 20 years ago, I learned to travel light and only carry the essentials. Crashing in a hostel wasn't a big deal, it was the experience that I cared about-- and it was amazing to see such beauty in the world, but one thing was clear-- regardless of how amazing these experiences were I missed not having someone special by my side.
Fast forward to 20 years later, I whole-heartedly admit I still feel the same way-- and although I've been able to see a tremendous amount of beauty, without a significant someone, I've always felt something lacking. Sadly, the older and more powerful we've all become, it's gotten very hard to find someone that is okay living in a tiny apartment and not driving the latest luxury car. Simply put, I would prefer a travel companion that doesn't want to be tied down to material things so that instead we can explore the world full of wonders together, and let me tell you finding someone that shares this view in DC is like searching for a unicorn.
Now, we all want different things, especially at different stages of life, and no one is right or wrong for wanting what s/he thinks is necessary to find happiness. The key, however, is going through your own baggage first so that once you've done your own inventory you can recognize someone that aligns with your vision for the future. It may take a very long while looking for that needle in the haystack-- but trust me, it will all be worth it in the end when you find that person whose suitcase perfectly coordinates with your own.
Think of it this way-- if you are about to embark on a journey, do you want a companion with an empty suitcase? That would just be weird-- and I also don't think you want to travel with someone whose suitcase is full of dirty laundry, that is just going to require a lot of extra and unnecessary work for both of you. Indeed, the goal is to find someone who has done his/her laundry, nicely folded his/her clothes, and is now ready for an adventure.
Backpacking through Europe 20 years ago, I learned to travel light and only carry the essentials. Crashing in a hostel wasn't a big deal, it was the experience that I cared about-- and it was amazing to see such beauty in the world, but one thing was clear-- regardless of how amazing these experiences were I missed not having someone special by my side.
Fast forward to 20 years later, I whole-heartedly admit I still feel the same way-- and although I've been able to see a tremendous amount of beauty, without a significant someone, I've always felt something lacking. Sadly, the older and more powerful we've all become, it's gotten very hard to find someone that is okay living in a tiny apartment and not driving the latest luxury car. Simply put, I would prefer a travel companion that doesn't want to be tied down to material things so that instead we can explore the world full of wonders together, and let me tell you finding someone that shares this view in DC is like searching for a unicorn.
Now, we all want different things, especially at different stages of life, and no one is right or wrong for wanting what s/he thinks is necessary to find happiness. The key, however, is going through your own baggage first so that once you've done your own inventory you can recognize someone that aligns with your vision for the future. It may take a very long while looking for that needle in the haystack-- but trust me, it will all be worth it in the end when you find that person whose suitcase perfectly coordinates with your own.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Can A Player Be Tamed?
I'm not a big fan of labels, and so let me just pose this question upfront- if you are in the dating game, then aren't you a player? Perhaps in ancient times "players" were men (like Mr. Casanova), who unabashedly chased women, but hello we are in the 21st century now and there are plenty of assertive women these days, who have no problem approaching men and negotiating deals to meet certain needs without ever developing an emotional attachment. So, to be perfectly blunt anyone who equates physical intimacy with emotional intimacy is an idiot in today's world.
We all have different goals and not everyone is playing by the same set of rules, which indeed makes the dating world very complicated, but one thing is for sure-- at the end of the day each one of us that opts to be in the market is looking for something, until one day the stars happen to align and you find someone worthy of your undivided attention.
Those that like the game and keeping their options open may never settle down. Some might think these are commitment phobes, while others may consider these enlightened ones smart enough to avoid the old "ball and chain" married lifestyle. Honestly, I don't see the need to pass judgment, but more importantly, I want to make sure you don't delude yourself into thinking that because you really like someone you are going to be able to make him/her commit. A true player cannot be tamed-- unless s/he chooses to surrender of his/her own accord.
While the idea of a settled, comfortable life is quite endearing to some, there are those that find the notion of settling down quite repulsive. Someone who enjoys life, and has many passions, seeks excitement and the idea of being trapped is simply unbearable. This type of person is only going to commit to someone that is willing to seek adventures together and can ride the roller coaster of life. It is a playmate with a kindred spirit that will tame a true "player," and so you should not take it personally if that just doesn't fit your lifestyle and goals.
Each one of us seeks something out of life, and someone to share it with, but no one should ever try to impose his/her agenda or will on another human being. We were each born with the freedom of choice, and above all else the freedom to choose our life partner is a defining moment in life. When and if that moment happens that you encounter someone that leaves you no doubt it is time to exit the games, it won't seem like a sacrifice at all. You will do it willingly, easily, and with absolute humility for you will realize that you have met your match. It is that checkmate moment-- and let me tell you, it is magical.
We all have different goals and not everyone is playing by the same set of rules, which indeed makes the dating world very complicated, but one thing is for sure-- at the end of the day each one of us that opts to be in the market is looking for something, until one day the stars happen to align and you find someone worthy of your undivided attention.
Those that like the game and keeping their options open may never settle down. Some might think these are commitment phobes, while others may consider these enlightened ones smart enough to avoid the old "ball and chain" married lifestyle. Honestly, I don't see the need to pass judgment, but more importantly, I want to make sure you don't delude yourself into thinking that because you really like someone you are going to be able to make him/her commit. A true player cannot be tamed-- unless s/he chooses to surrender of his/her own accord.
While the idea of a settled, comfortable life is quite endearing to some, there are those that find the notion of settling down quite repulsive. Someone who enjoys life, and has many passions, seeks excitement and the idea of being trapped is simply unbearable. This type of person is only going to commit to someone that is willing to seek adventures together and can ride the roller coaster of life. It is a playmate with a kindred spirit that will tame a true "player," and so you should not take it personally if that just doesn't fit your lifestyle and goals.
Each one of us seeks something out of life, and someone to share it with, but no one should ever try to impose his/her agenda or will on another human being. We were each born with the freedom of choice, and above all else the freedom to choose our life partner is a defining moment in life. When and if that moment happens that you encounter someone that leaves you no doubt it is time to exit the games, it won't seem like a sacrifice at all. You will do it willingly, easily, and with absolute humility for you will realize that you have met your match. It is that checkmate moment-- and let me tell you, it is magical.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Some Rules Are Meant to Be Broken
As a person that finds great comfort in having rules, I'm sure it will shock you to hear me say that some rules are meant to be broken-- especially when dating. Some of the "rules" I find ridiculously stupid include this notion that you need to play it cool, so that even if you really enjoyed a date, the girl should wait for the guy to text, and he has 3 days to do so if he wants another date. Well, what if I really had a nice time, and just want to send a thank you text that same night? What if that guy doesn't want to wait 3 days to let me know he wants to get together again? Should we both sit home starring at the ceiling waiting to see who makes the next move? If you want to play it safe, then wait, but I say if you are playing for keeps, you have to go with what your heart tells you to do.
Another stupid rule involves intimacy-- some have asked me if you are expected to sleep with someone by Date #3. Really? After age 30, who cares what date number you are on-- what is more important is how you feel about the situation. Obviously if you want someone to respect you, then on Dates #1-2, I'd try to keep it at the PG-13 level, but after that, I don't think there really are any steadfast rules. You have to go with your gut on this one, at least in my opinion.
Questions about when you have an exclusivity talk and discuss using the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" are really hard to answer, because a lot depends on the two people involved, and what their expectations are about the relationship. Obviously when two people are just out to have fun, an entire 6 months could go by without ever having an exclusivity talk or using terms like boyfriend/girlfriend. Meanwhile, if by Date #3 you establish that you don't want something casual, and you agree to have STD tests done and are committed to forming a deep bond, then I think without even having to say anything you've already established that this is something quite significant.
Personally speaking, over the last several years I got quite used to the "rules," and it really did not bother me if someone went away for the weekend without checking in, or if they could not commit to planning a date more than 3 days in advance because they are so "busy." But it also became quite clear to me that those playing by the "rules" would never be able to win me over. It would take someone with courage to go out on a limb and break the rules-- someone willing to show that he actually cared, that he actually missed connecting with me. It would have to be someone that would actually make me feel special. And that my friends is really how it should be when you are playing for keeps.
The American Dating Rules are really more like guidelines, but keep in mind that there are times when they just won't apply to a particular situation-- especially if you venture into dating people from different cultures, which I highly recommend-- particularly if you have found yourself growing tired of that plain vanilla flavor. Seriously, why stick to vanilla when there are at least 31 flavors at Baskin Robbins? Go spice it up a bit, I'll admit I am certainly glad I did this year!
If the end goal is truly to find someone special, then you have to be able to let go of the rule book and throw some caution to the wind. In the pursuit of love, you can't always play it safe, and you need to take a chance by giving it your all, and hopefully this passion will be reciprocated in kind. As Oscar Wilde so wisely stated, "never love anybody who treats you like you're ordinary." I could not agree more-- so go out there and find that someone that inspires you to bend the rules and makes you feel extra-ordinary.
Another stupid rule involves intimacy-- some have asked me if you are expected to sleep with someone by Date #3. Really? After age 30, who cares what date number you are on-- what is more important is how you feel about the situation. Obviously if you want someone to respect you, then on Dates #1-2, I'd try to keep it at the PG-13 level, but after that, I don't think there really are any steadfast rules. You have to go with your gut on this one, at least in my opinion.
Questions about when you have an exclusivity talk and discuss using the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" are really hard to answer, because a lot depends on the two people involved, and what their expectations are about the relationship. Obviously when two people are just out to have fun, an entire 6 months could go by without ever having an exclusivity talk or using terms like boyfriend/girlfriend. Meanwhile, if by Date #3 you establish that you don't want something casual, and you agree to have STD tests done and are committed to forming a deep bond, then I think without even having to say anything you've already established that this is something quite significant.
Personally speaking, over the last several years I got quite used to the "rules," and it really did not bother me if someone went away for the weekend without checking in, or if they could not commit to planning a date more than 3 days in advance because they are so "busy." But it also became quite clear to me that those playing by the "rules" would never be able to win me over. It would take someone with courage to go out on a limb and break the rules-- someone willing to show that he actually cared, that he actually missed connecting with me. It would have to be someone that would actually make me feel special. And that my friends is really how it should be when you are playing for keeps.
The American Dating Rules are really more like guidelines, but keep in mind that there are times when they just won't apply to a particular situation-- especially if you venture into dating people from different cultures, which I highly recommend-- particularly if you have found yourself growing tired of that plain vanilla flavor. Seriously, why stick to vanilla when there are at least 31 flavors at Baskin Robbins? Go spice it up a bit, I'll admit I am certainly glad I did this year!
If the end goal is truly to find someone special, then you have to be able to let go of the rule book and throw some caution to the wind. In the pursuit of love, you can't always play it safe, and you need to take a chance by giving it your all, and hopefully this passion will be reciprocated in kind. As Oscar Wilde so wisely stated, "never love anybody who treats you like you're ordinary." I could not agree more-- so go out there and find that someone that inspires you to bend the rules and makes you feel extra-ordinary.
Friday, April 18, 2014
Is Your Love Lost In Translation?
It is with great sadness that I learned yesterday that one of my favorite authors, Gabriel Garcia Marquez passed away. When I broke the news to one of my friends, he sent me back this quote: Ningun lugar en la vida es mas triste que un cama vacia. Translated into English, what this basically says is that there is no other place in life more full of sorrow than in an empty bed. To truly understand the depth of this, however, you first have to know what real love is, and then it also really helps if you happen to be Latin.
Those of us that grew up speaking the romance languages and studying the arts are definite outliers. It is very hard to explain some things to those trained as linear thinkers, but those of us that can appreciate a range of ways to communicate are able to express sentiments through music, dance, art, poetry, shared experiences and multiple languages. To us there are no limits, other than the ones we impose on ourselves, and this makes life very interesting, but finding a kindred spirit is not going to be easy.
If you are a creative type, I'm begging you not to lose hope-- there is nothing wrong with being different and thinking outside the box. What is a problem is trying to conform-- attempts to conform to the mainstream way actually eat away at our souls. Each effort made to compromise will feel like small doses of poison that we are ingesting, and with every dose you will find yourself dying a slow, methodical death.
The choice to live is difficult when you feel that there is no one on this planet that truly understands you. And yes, it is a choice that we each make every day as we wake up and make the effort to engage with this crazy world, as opposed to ending all the pain and sorrow. As Hamlet's soliloquy so eloquently pointed out-- wouldn't it be easier to choose eternal sleep and perchance to dream instead of facing the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune? Indeed, it takes courage to truly engage with life-- and especially to make yourself vulnerable to another when you are in love. But what kind of life is worth living when you always play it safe? If you always keep your feelings so close to the vest, what does that really get you in the end?
Life is a great stage, where all of our passions are played out, and in my personal opinion the most passionate people seem to be the creative, artistic type-- and if you also happen to be Latin, wow, then it is just an out of this world experience. It all makes so much sense now, and so please believe me when I say that it may take you a very long time to find someone that can go with the free flow of your ideas, no matter which form of expression they may take, but hold out for that moment-- you will know when you find it because everything will just fit perfectly, and you won't feel like anything is lost in translation.
Those of us that grew up speaking the romance languages and studying the arts are definite outliers. It is very hard to explain some things to those trained as linear thinkers, but those of us that can appreciate a range of ways to communicate are able to express sentiments through music, dance, art, poetry, shared experiences and multiple languages. To us there are no limits, other than the ones we impose on ourselves, and this makes life very interesting, but finding a kindred spirit is not going to be easy.
If you are a creative type, I'm begging you not to lose hope-- there is nothing wrong with being different and thinking outside the box. What is a problem is trying to conform-- attempts to conform to the mainstream way actually eat away at our souls. Each effort made to compromise will feel like small doses of poison that we are ingesting, and with every dose you will find yourself dying a slow, methodical death.
The choice to live is difficult when you feel that there is no one on this planet that truly understands you. And yes, it is a choice that we each make every day as we wake up and make the effort to engage with this crazy world, as opposed to ending all the pain and sorrow. As Hamlet's soliloquy so eloquently pointed out-- wouldn't it be easier to choose eternal sleep and perchance to dream instead of facing the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune? Indeed, it takes courage to truly engage with life-- and especially to make yourself vulnerable to another when you are in love. But what kind of life is worth living when you always play it safe? If you always keep your feelings so close to the vest, what does that really get you in the end?
Life is a great stage, where all of our passions are played out, and in my personal opinion the most passionate people seem to be the creative, artistic type-- and if you also happen to be Latin, wow, then it is just an out of this world experience. It all makes so much sense now, and so please believe me when I say that it may take you a very long time to find someone that can go with the free flow of your ideas, no matter which form of expression they may take, but hold out for that moment-- you will know when you find it because everything will just fit perfectly, and you won't feel like anything is lost in translation.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Have You Tried to Find Clues From Your Own Past?
Recently, it has been an interesting experience to read through past blogs and see how much of what I predicted has in fact came true, especially with my theory in 2011 that finding my dad would change my outlook on love and life. The blog entitled "A Puzzle That Took 38 Years to Complete" was the first one to go viral, and since then so many have written to tell me how my writing has inspired them in some way.
Finding my family was not an easy journey, but then again, nothing worth while in my life ever came easily. And in trying to go back further, I've been re-reading some of my earlier writings. It really is as if I left myself some notes in the event my older self ever faltered or lost hope. Now perhaps you may not have left yourself written clues the way I did, but maybe look back at old photos, or go back home and try to retrace some of your steps to reconnect with your younger self. Who knows what you will find?
Here is an old poem I wrote in 1991, which I have never shared with anyone. It really all makes so much sense now...
Revelation
Walking along the beach-
not a soul in sight
There was a beautiful peacefulness
as the moon's light glistened in the water.
Too there was a touch of sadness-
a melancholic hue
on the tranquil colored canvas.
Alone, it became clear
the image before my eyes
was but a reflection
of deeper, darker depths.
The moon represented the guiding light in my life,
the sea was the uncertainty of the future.
I would need to captain my own ship and maintain hope--
hope that I would overcome the darkness and reach the light.
While I was filled with faith, there was a sadness too
for the journey was long and lonely,
and I realized then what lay before me
was a life full of wonders and joy,
but I would need to learn to live
a life with great moments of solitude.
I guess my 19 year old self nailed it. Hope you can go find a message that your younger self may have left you in a time of great need-- it is there, you just need to find it!
Finding my family was not an easy journey, but then again, nothing worth while in my life ever came easily. And in trying to go back further, I've been re-reading some of my earlier writings. It really is as if I left myself some notes in the event my older self ever faltered or lost hope. Now perhaps you may not have left yourself written clues the way I did, but maybe look back at old photos, or go back home and try to retrace some of your steps to reconnect with your younger self. Who knows what you will find?
Here is an old poem I wrote in 1991, which I have never shared with anyone. It really all makes so much sense now...
Revelation
Walking along the beach-
not a soul in sight
There was a beautiful peacefulness
as the moon's light glistened in the water.
Too there was a touch of sadness-
a melancholic hue
on the tranquil colored canvas.
Alone, it became clear
the image before my eyes
was but a reflection
of deeper, darker depths.
The moon represented the guiding light in my life,
the sea was the uncertainty of the future.
I would need to captain my own ship and maintain hope--
hope that I would overcome the darkness and reach the light.
While I was filled with faith, there was a sadness too
for the journey was long and lonely,
and I realized then what lay before me
was a life full of wonders and joy,
but I would need to learn to live
a life with great moments of solitude.
I guess my 19 year old self nailed it. Hope you can go find a message that your younger self may have left you in a time of great need-- it is there, you just need to find it!
Monday, April 14, 2014
Dating, The Old School Way
Long ago, before we all had mini computers attached to our hips, there was really only one way to instantly connect with someone you liked-- you had to pick up the phone. A decade ago, no one had unlimited access to texts, emails FB or Twitter posts giving you this ridiculous false sense of connection with another human being. The art of seduction was actually slow, deliberate and incredibly cerebral, and those of us that still remember these days with great fondness will only be wowed by someone that can follow the Old School Ways.
While Facebook, Linkedin, Twitter, emails and blogging all serve a purpose in my daily work life, let me be perfectly honest that in my personal life what I value is quality one-on-one time with someone. I don't want a pen-pal relationship, what I want is a grown man that will pick up the phone so I can hear his voice, and then we can laugh together. A stupid "hey" text does nothing for me, other than show me that you are checking in, but what I really want is for you to make time and show up in person. If you care, then let's have a real time conversation that brings me closer to you. If I wanted to date my iPhone, why wouldn't I just turn on Siri?
Nothing in the world comes close to the affectionate gesture of holding hands while going for a walk. And if you really want to know what melts a GenX girl's heart, it is listening to the sound of a person's voice while taking in his scent, feeling his breath on you and seeing his eyes smile. To hear that man's genuine laughter and feel butterflies flying around in your stomach while he leans in for that first kiss, that is what makes you feel alive. Sorry to tell you this, but there is NO app that will ever do this for you, and despite my initial belief that perhaps all this was no longer possible after 40, I am happy to report that indeed with the right partner, you can feel this way even after 50, 60 or 70.
When you find that person that makes your heart skip a beat, time seems to stand still, and somehow despite all the crazy logistics involved you find a way to see each other, make plans for the future, and dream together. You will find yourself waking up excited and smiling each day. The birds' songs will seem sweeter and the flowers in your path will appear that much more vibrant. People will even tell you that you are glowing-- and make no mistake about it, it is true that your aura will be a dead give-away to all that you are falling in love.
As great as this whole experience will be, I just have one tiny piece of advice: drink from the water fountain of love, not the fire hydrant. Go in baby steps so that you don't crash and burn. Pace yourself in order to take it all in. Remember, this is NOT a race, and there is no need to sprint. If you need help slowing down, imagine that you are running a marathon with another, and to go the full distance you need to maintain a steady pace, and you have to go at the pace of the slowest runner.
A gentle soul will be patient, and he will hold your hand and let you feel safe as you slowly dip into the magical pool that makes you feel 16 once again. If you can't remember what that was like, then maybe you need to do some homework- go revive that youthful part of you that still believes it is possible to love without limits. In the meantime, please try to unplug from the Matrix, and let yourself fall in love, the Old School Way!
While Facebook, Linkedin, Twitter, emails and blogging all serve a purpose in my daily work life, let me be perfectly honest that in my personal life what I value is quality one-on-one time with someone. I don't want a pen-pal relationship, what I want is a grown man that will pick up the phone so I can hear his voice, and then we can laugh together. A stupid "hey" text does nothing for me, other than show me that you are checking in, but what I really want is for you to make time and show up in person. If you care, then let's have a real time conversation that brings me closer to you. If I wanted to date my iPhone, why wouldn't I just turn on Siri?
Nothing in the world comes close to the affectionate gesture of holding hands while going for a walk. And if you really want to know what melts a GenX girl's heart, it is listening to the sound of a person's voice while taking in his scent, feeling his breath on you and seeing his eyes smile. To hear that man's genuine laughter and feel butterflies flying around in your stomach while he leans in for that first kiss, that is what makes you feel alive. Sorry to tell you this, but there is NO app that will ever do this for you, and despite my initial belief that perhaps all this was no longer possible after 40, I am happy to report that indeed with the right partner, you can feel this way even after 50, 60 or 70.
When you find that person that makes your heart skip a beat, time seems to stand still, and somehow despite all the crazy logistics involved you find a way to see each other, make plans for the future, and dream together. You will find yourself waking up excited and smiling each day. The birds' songs will seem sweeter and the flowers in your path will appear that much more vibrant. People will even tell you that you are glowing-- and make no mistake about it, it is true that your aura will be a dead give-away to all that you are falling in love.
As great as this whole experience will be, I just have one tiny piece of advice: drink from the water fountain of love, not the fire hydrant. Go in baby steps so that you don't crash and burn. Pace yourself in order to take it all in. Remember, this is NOT a race, and there is no need to sprint. If you need help slowing down, imagine that you are running a marathon with another, and to go the full distance you need to maintain a steady pace, and you have to go at the pace of the slowest runner.
A gentle soul will be patient, and he will hold your hand and let you feel safe as you slowly dip into the magical pool that makes you feel 16 once again. If you can't remember what that was like, then maybe you need to do some homework- go revive that youthful part of you that still believes it is possible to love without limits. In the meantime, please try to unplug from the Matrix, and let yourself fall in love, the Old School Way!
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