Are you wondering if your situation normal? Lots of people ask me this question, and honestly I no longer know what is "normal" but to me the more appropriate question is this: does your relationship work for you? If you are having your doubts, then obviously something is wrong. Here are 5 common areas of concern:
1. Lack of Trust- This should be self-explanatory. You simply cannot have a healthy relationship without trust and respect.
2. Lack of Commitment- Are you both committed to staying together and working through life's challenges? We all suffer setbacks, illnesses, financial loss, and family drama. The key question is will your partner be with you through the good times and the bad?
3. Conflict Avoidance- Let's be honest, very few enjoy conflict, but it is a part of life. We all have different points of view and will not always see eye to eye with our partners, and yet you have to be able to talk candidly about your concerns and work through issues together. Avoiding conflict and faking happiness will not work out in the long run, it never does.
4. No Accountability- Do you check in with one another on major decisions, or do you each just do your own thing? If you are truly part of team, then you cannot continue to operate as two separate entities. You need to keep your promises to each other, and hold everyone in your household accountable for staying on task with the mission/vision/values you have established for your family.
5. No Results- We all have goals, and hopefully the goals you have established together with your partner are being met-- for example the goal to get married, buy a house, have a child, save for retirement, have "date night" at least once a week, travel twice a year, etc. If those goals are not being met, you will find frustration, anger, disappointment and resentment are all going to build and the result of that will not be pretty.
All of these are common issues people face, not just at home but apparently also at work. Patrick Lencioni wrote a book "5 Dysfunctions of a Team" dealing with the corporate world, and as I listened to an interview with him going through these points I could see the parallel between our two worlds. Here is a link to a short video that explains his concept further:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-T4zFj4KTBg
Relationships can be often dysfunctional because many a times they tend to become complicated and eventually become so. But consultation of right advisors can always help anyways.
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