Tuesday, May 15, 2012

How Do You Stop the Hemmoraging in a Divorce?

Emotions are so raw in a divorce-- every day I see people face their greatest fears. It's been my job for over a decade, to guide them through a very painful, personal journey. When I went through my own divorce, and started sharing custody of my son, it definitely changed my approach with my clients-- how could it not? My goal became to stop the pain as quickly as possible-- to stop the hemmoraging of cash in order to preserve as much wealth for the family. Finding legal strategies that can act as immediate tourniquets has become my mission, and I am eternally grateful to have found something I love to do while helping those in need. But here is my one word of caution for those about to embark on their own divorce journey-- the recovery process can take years. It seems the same technique I use with my clients (applying tourniquets) I applied in my personal, emotional life. To stop the pain, I tried to just shut out the emotions. Funny thing is that it doesn't seem to work so well when you are trying to move forward with rebuilding your life. To get to a better place and be emotionally available for another, you actually have to work through the pain-- all the loss, all the sadness and disappointment. Opening up old wounds, deep-seeded fears, realizing our own faults and weaknesses is no easy task, but if we do not want to repeat old patterns and make the same mistakes, we have to put in the work and choose to become a better person for our next spouse. I regret that I was not my best when I was married, and it is so sad that my marriage did not work out, but from my greatest failure came some of my best lessons in life. I had no idea how strong I was, and being on my own the last 7 years had taught me a great deal about myself. I have enjoyed being single, but I loved being in a committed partnership much more than words could ever express. So it is ironic that from a legal perspective, it remains my goal to stop the hemmoraging as quickly as possible, but from an emotional perspective I would encourage people not to shut down the pain, but rather work through it. Without pain, there is no gain.

No comments:

Post a Comment