In January 2010, when I met Elizabeth Gilbert at her book signing, everyone was thanking her for sharing her story. By the time I got to meet her, I decided enough people had thanked her, so I said something different. I said, "Liz, congratulations on finding the courage to love again." She stopped midway through her signature and looked up at me with an inquisitive glance. I then explained that I am a divorced divorce lawyer, so I understand how hard it is to let go of the past and move forward. She mockingly told me that I did not need to read the book "Committed" because I already knew everything in there, but I shook my head and said, "no, unlike you I have not found the courage to truly love again."
Lots of people have been telling me that I have exhibited great courage over the past six years: I decided to run my own law firm for over five years while raising an infant; I gracefully managed to get through my own divorce without destroying my family; and just this past week I made the journey to find my father and his whole family. Many have asked me how I did all of this, and the only thing I can really say is that each action was carefully undertaken after a thoughtful cost/benefit analysis. Any major decision in life requires us to consider what will be the consequences of our actions. Another motivating factor for me is the desire to avoid regret. Of course we all have regrets in life, that is because we all make mistakes.
Ultimately, very few people will understand us and love us despite our flaws, that is what makes friends and family so special. When certain relationships do not work out, too many view this as a rejection. I do not see it this way- I truly believe the saying that some friends come into our lives for a reason, some come into our lives for a season, and it is a select few that are life long friends. These past few months, it has been my life long friends that have really come shining through for me. I appreciate all the encouragement everyone has given me over the past five years, but I am here to admit that I am not as brave as you might think. I have not yet found that courage to love again. But I do believe that if I can find it in my heart to forgive my father after all these years, then I am that much closer to finding love again.
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ReplyDeleteRegina,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this with me. I am really glad to see that your posts in 2011 have shared who you really are, and not just what you are. I look forward to following your journey. Believe it or not, I also have a blog: www.familylaw-lifeinthetrenches.blogspot.com. Let me know what you think.
I am so happy that your law practice has taken you in such a different direction. You are dead right about working to heal and support the family, not just the client. You and I know what we were up against, and yet when I look at my life, ex living across the street, spending lots of time here with our son, walking my dog every day, vacuuming the house when he sees I am overwhelmed, celebrating holidays and birthdays together, the truth of our situation is clear-from the moment we had a child together, we became a family. He was smart enough to see that, however crazy he was, and the judge at our last court date was smart enough to order us to get over ourselves and make it work. Which we have done. Forgiveness is the key, and the willingness to let go of being right, superior, and in the one up position, and just being open.
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